Aubrey: Married by America

Ok. Am just sitting here with the drabble that is "Married by America" on tv right now and I can't stop thinking that there are a lot of people from Atlanta on that show.

I also can't stop thinking that there's a reason for this. And that reason is that Atlanta is somewhat devoid of worthwhile dates/suitors/boyfriends/girlfriends. This is a little-known fact amongst people that don't live here in Atlanta...granted, these are the same people that think it's still HOT-Lanta and that Buckhead is a cool place to go out.

Not going to hold it against them, they just don't know.

They don't know that there are, in effect, approximately 8 bars that are even somewhat acceptable imbibing locations. They are (in no particular order), Mo's & Jo's, Highland Tap, Smith's Olde Bar, Atkins Park, the "Hand-in-Hand/Prince of Wales/Rose & Crown" British triumvirate (counted as one, you see, as it's the same bar on a different street in a different location), Neighbors (in the summer), Five Paces/Churchill Arms (again, same bar in essence) and East Andrews.

To compound the idiocy that is 8 acceptable bars for 4 million-plus Atlantans, East Andrews will soon suck as the Brio crowd finds out about it, Neighbors is dead in the winter, The British Triumvirate no longer serves Caffrey's, Highland Tap can get claustrophobic and Mo's & Jo's is pretty small. Atkins Park contains the same people at any given day, and Five Paces/Churchill arms is basically a frat party for the 25-year-olds that refuse to cut their fratboy hair or stop being bitchy srat girls.

That leaves me with Smith's. This smoky, not-quite-Midtown, not-quite-Highlands bar is my fave, what with the billiard-shooting gamers, the Golden Tee obsessors and, well, let's face it -- the proliferation of good looking and seemingly single men. Add to that the fact that it's the best venue in town to hear live music on a not-yet-so-big-that-it's-not-fun-to-go-to-anymore scale and it's got the trophy for Atlanta outings.

Come one, come all, come if you're a guy...just don't come with your girlfriend.

But back to the "Married by Atlanta" concept. Now, it's a well-known fact that I continuously propose to both Nicky and Brian and sometimes even Mike on a semi-regular basis, and while they've yet to take me up on it, I can't imagine being married to someone I've never even dated. Of course, the family gets to ask all of like 5 "telling" questions to determine who to eliminate and who to keep, which will surely be able to pick them a mate for life.

Now, I pose that we enact these standards upon my own dating scene. Wouldn't it be great if I could do a virtual fashion-show of my suitors, traipsing them up and down the runway to the critical stares and glares of family of friends? Then throw them the hard questions -- the ones about their past relationships, their love life, their family, their sex lives...you know, all the things that you'd never tell anyone on a first date but that all of these reality-show media whores are happy to blab to the universe. Wouldn't it just be so great to get the input of your 'inner circle'? Their critique? Their pointed questions that would just lay everything out on the table and start from there?

In a word? No. For once in my life, I'll take the mystery. I'll take my chances. I'll take Door #2, Chuck, and I'll figure it out myself.

Who ever said romance and mystery were dead?

Comments

[simmons]

forget the mystery and romance, aubs!!! i'd pay big money to see you trade the good stuff for a public viewing and judgement of possible suitors...as long as i get to ask the first round of questions.

[Smithy]

C'mon now, Atlanta's bar/dating scene still has to be better than DC's.

Did you notice there weren't many (if at all) people from DC on Married by America? Yup, they were all too busy working.

[biguns]

Is it just me, or was anyone else secretly rooting for Joe Millionaire to show up on Married by America and give one last uhhhhhhh, I'm Evan Marriot, uhhhhhhhh, I like cats and, uhhhhhh, oh yeah honesty.

That would've made my week.

[Yo' Mama]

Did you also notice that there weren't any people from Cleveland on the show either? That's because all of the intelligent ones moved to other cities after college (see last week's Plain Dealer series).

Take it from me, the person who loves you most in the entire world (even though I wouldn't get out of bed at 4:00 in the morning in Chapel Hill and made you walk from uptown to Green Street in the rain),there is something to be said for "arranged marriages."

[Matty G]

OK, so the following means that I watched the show too...god, I'm sad. But did you see the extremely attractive but not too bright Italian woman named Alessandra from San Francisco? I know her - actually, I've bought something from the store she owns (an incredible Italian pottery store, actually) -- and she's jaw-droppingly gorgeous. My co-workers and I actually were led to believe she was gay (and were okay with that...) and then I saw her last night on this show...looking for a man. Anyhow, my brush with marginal fame.

[aubs]

My only brush with fame is that my prom date is a professional football player. I think we're about even, Matty...

[i like]

to meet women at Hole in the Wall...over by the bathroom. another good spot is the mini-stage that people dance on. often there is a girl that has been pushed to the back of it that is feeling left out of the fun. of course you can always stake out the front door.