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July 24, 2003

Comments

TommyMommy

Maybe you could just become a kept woman. Find a nice middle-aged sugar daddy to take care of you.

aubs

Hmm, not a bad idea. Please revise to state that anyone who makes me a Kept Woman must be:
1) Hot
2) Under 33
3) Willing to let me buy overpriced jeans

For this, he gets a VERY special type of membership, with VERY special benefits. Email me with applications for this VIP level.

Brandy

Why don't you sell your soul again? You did it once for three chicken wings and even got it back. So technically you just loaned it out. Just think how much more you might be able to get.

Kelly

It's easy. NO TARGET. NO DESIGNER JEANS. NO NEW JEWELRY (even if it is fun). NO EATING OUT (once a week allowed for lunch and dinner). Why spend x amount on a glass of wine at a restaurant or bar when you could buy the whole bottle for the same amount and drink it at home? Write down everything you spend and cut back on the frivilous (the "real" definition of frivilous, not the aubrey one). It is fail-proof, I promise. Or hire me as your financial planner. I will whip you into shape for a small fee. xoxoxo

money in the bank in PA

Sell your Saab and buy a Honda. Buy Gap jeans instead of Seven Jeans. Basically live according to your means, don't put yourself into debt and eat away your savings to 'keep up with the Jones' Come to the conclusion you are poor and start living like a poor person - in no time you will be rich!!

Or you could become a stipper on the weekends! Oh, and selling drugs is a sure money maker!

helenjane

Oh. Girl. I. Feel. You.

Wedding bills plus honeymoon bills (all put on credit card) plus one unemployed husband plus Bay Area Rent (2k/month) has landed us exactly in the poorhouse.

This means no money for the next two weeks.
None.
We can't even afford salad for our salad days.

But, hope:
CreativeMoonlighter.com is where I oft go for freelance cash...they have copywriting gigs...also, consider writing a little book and selling it on cafepress.com...also, babysitting on the weekends kills my desire to have children, saves me cash I'd have spent going out AND makes me a trifle bit o' money.

aubs

OOOH!! Good suggestions, esp. to Helenjane who offered MONEY MAKING opps. Kudos!

As for "No target", "No designer jeans", etc...kiddos, I've got $200/month. BEFORE. FOOD. That was an accurate figure. Until I can do better than that, Target is a mere memory.

Kelly

Target might just go out of business without your patronage!

Kim

Babe, I too feel your pain... Being in my own grad-school, new-place-in-Midtown induced version of poverty, I can very much relate. BUT, there are some opitions out there that I've been scouting, so that one can still have some form of social life while destitute. I'll let you know the others when I think of them, but for starters, Balance (Piedmont and 10th) has a $10 bottomless glass of wine night every Tuesday...it's pretty cool.

aubs

ROCK IT! $10 bottomless glass?

Memo
To: Google
From: Aubs
Re: Wednesdays

From here on out, please provide me with free greasy breakfast and lunches every Wednesday to combat my Tuesday bottomless wine-drinking debauchery of the evening prior. I will also be looking like dookie on a stick. Be forewarned.

Kim

Yeah,it starts early (5:30) which is a good and bad thing, and honestly I have no clue on cut off time, but the bartender is cool as shit and will usually (if you're still coherent) let you run later.

Jason

1) Did you file for your homestead exemption? It gives you a very nice reduction in your property taxes.

2) Rice! You'd be amazed at just how cheap rice is and how far it will go. True, a decent rice cooker will run you $50, but trust me, you make that money back in no time. When a certain company who will not be named turned evil last year, it was rice that helped me balance my budget until I got a much cooler and better paying job.

3) Just as the brewing companies have beer girls, go on a quest to be the expensive jeans girl. In exchange for a pair of jeans, you will wear them out and bore anyone who even glances in your direction about the virtue of said jeans. You've got the connections to make it happen.

4) In the interest of saving money, there is no number four.

5) Many professional societies, especially student chapters, have free food at their meetings. Sure it is depressing to know you're at the point where you have to scam free food but it beats being rejected for food stamps.

6) Start your own panhandling army. Load up your car with Google food goodies, offer them to street people in exchange for their daily begging take. Please note that if you do this in my neighborhood, I will be forced to destroy you but anywhere else is fine.

7) Are you really using all the rooms in your house? Block out all sunlight in any room you don't use regularly, shut the doors and air vents and stick a towel under the door to keep the good cool air from associating with the evil hot air.

8) Don't fall into the Ramen noodle trap. Rice might trick you into thinking Ramen are a good deal but they don't fill you up and will double the amount of time you have to spend in the gym.

9) Network and scan the 'loaf for social events that feature freebies. For example, on Friday there is a social event that is easy to sneak into that features free food and wine.

10) I hear some of those old fallout shelters are filled with supplies. Won't you look stylish in a dress made from a thermal blanket while drinking water out of a metal can?

aubs

Another perk of membership - you can share your affiliation with the general public! Get everything you want here!

(Also available on the left-side nav...

My life cracks me up sometimes.

jenny

I feel your brokeness, believe me.

may I make one suggestion for your book loving wish list...the library! I have finally learned after spending way too much money at barnes and noble, etc. that its much cheaper and smarter to borrow books from the good old library (just avoid the magazine/newspaper section, the homeless like to hang out there and an odd smell usually persists in that area), oh and you can borrow dvds there too.

as for the SATC dvds, I may be able to help you out (and one of those suckers will fill up an entire weekends worth of time). just send me an email if you're interested...

Josh

One word: beans. Eat lots and lots of beans. So fiber-y. So nutritious. So...cheap. Back, red, pink, pinto, whatever--beans be yo' answer, girlfriend.

aubs

Beans? Josh - are you trying to ensure the fact that I will be single for the rest of my life? If so, then beans are the way to go...

paris

Seven Jeans are something no one should ever be without. Don't sell your saab and don't stop buying seven jeans. Do however buy knock-off Louis Vuitton bags!

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