On the Road Again

On the road again
Just can't wait to get on the road again
The life I love is makin' music with my friends
And I can't wait to get on the road again

On the road again
Goin' places that I've never been
Seein' things that I may never see again,
And I can't wait to get on the road again.

Pretty much sums up my life lately. My suitcases never return to the closet, such that I have a travel kit of just about every necessity pre-packed and ready to shove into my ever-overflowing suitcase at a moment's notice. My bed is a haven, a long-lost friend that I only visit infrequently these days. I'm a time-zone hopper, a traveler, a gal with a penchant for frequent flier miles. I've even started to look forward to my morning nourishment of Biscoff and 10 oz. tumblers of Diet Sprite, filled to the brim with ice so that Delta can conserve their precious soft drinks. Pretty sad, actually.

Us travelers become accustomed to early morning flights, waiting futily on the tarmac as everyone around you takes off, the cacophony and olfactory irritation of crying & pooping babies, angry foreigners chastising each other in their native tongue, and even that person behind you that keeps kicking the back of your seat. We develop thick skins, we pull into ourselves, because God forbid you sit next to a 'talker', one of those unfortunate souls that misguidedly believes that the happenstance that placed you in the seat next to theirs allows for free reign of conversation. We splurge on magazines and hard-backed books, overpriced at the W.H. Smith because we need to distract ourselves from the reality that we are in a gigantic steel object that somehow flies through the air and contains the very futures of all of its occupants (as well as some skank-nasty stale air.) Some of us can even sleep.

I've become a member of this lucky club (not the mile-high club, mind you), but the Aviation Slumber Society, or 'ASS' for short. Before the plane even leaves the gate, especially on a 5:50am flight or the odious Red Eye, I find myself nodding off. Normally an avid sleeper, one who engages in somnambulist activity with vim, vigor and gusto usually found only when attacking a plate of french fries at 3am on a Friday night, it's not surprising that I can get some shut-eye while in flight. However, I've come to realize that my slumber is not the picture of Sleeping Beauty that I had hoped to portray. You see, I sleep with my mouth open.

Many a time a jolt or bump or turbulent event has jarred me from my sleep and I've found myself unattractively nodding off with my mouth agape. Not just slightly open, mind you, but full-fledged old-man agapeness that makes me look less than cute, a fate worse than death, at times. It's as if I have morphed into the unattractive profile of my elderly grandfather when he would snore so loudly that he would wake himself up, only minus the snoring. (Until I hear otherwise, I sleep snore-free.) Still, it's nothing less than mortifying to realize that perfect strangers are staring at your uvula, or at least hopefully noticing that the fluoride in the Cleveland water supply must have worked because I'm cavity free. Regardless, embarrassing.

But what to do? Should I sacrifice sleep for vanity? Or do I just snooze away, mouth hanging like I've got a problem with TMJ? Here's an invention - a little alarm that will subtly rouse us mouth-gapers when our jaw drops, saving us the embarrassment of onlookers galore.

Maybe I'll just have a few cocktails and leave it to chance.

Comments

[cw]

I have been a member of ASS for years.

So to speak.

[Paris]

My God woman have you no home?? :) Where are you heading to now?? Hope you have a good time, I really envy your constant changing life!

[êddiê]

Intersesting. My mom used to tell me that I'd catch a fly in my mouth if I left it agape. I think that has since scared my jaw muscles into a perpetual tension. You could always dress as a ninja. Don't they have a think that covers their mouth? Although you might not be let about the plane in that getup.

[Lyn]

Thanks for the damn good laugh - the ASS part! I check in and read just to see what you are up to these days, always entertaining, but today I laughed with my mouth - agape - just make sure your head stays somewhat upright - keep in the drools, lol.