Wediquette

I love weddings. The planning, the preparation, the excitement around two people coming together in front of their family & friends, publicly declaring their love and devotion to each other. Forgive my sappiness, but there's little better than seeing the look on the groom's face as he watches his bride walk down the aisle. Gets me every time.

That said, I've begun to notice a change in the wedding scene; to clarify, it's the "And Guest" Syndrome. Let me provide some context.

For us singletons, an invitation to a wedding can come in many forms. You're either invited with a guest or you're not, and there's various schools of thought on whether or not an unattached invitee should bring a guest. You've got to take into consideration whether or not you're dating anyone, how serious it is, how long you've been together, and where the wedding is. You also can get the 'feeling' from the bride or groom, whether or not other singletons are coming unattached or not. My friend and I were discussing this a while back, and he brought up the 6-month rule; i.e., if you've been dating someone for over 6 months, a wedding invitation is allowable. Anything sooner, he postulated, could freak them out.

I tend to agree, but also want to throw a wrench into the mix; i.e., bringing a friend as your "And Guest", especially if said friend is located in the same city as where the wedding is held. Depending on the circumstances, I would say this is completely allowable.

In the past, I've been more of the 'go alone' variety, only taking a date if I was seriously dating somebody and, even if I was in a relationship, rarely taking a date to an out-of-town event. I actually preferred this route, since a) making someone fly to places like Cleveland or Iowa can pose a potential threat on a not-yet-too-solid of a relationship. After all, I was only one of many "And Guest-less" people there, and finding someone to dance, cavort, and chat with was never an issue. Until recently.

Perhaps it's because we're getting older, perhaps people are just finally pairing up, but the last few weddings I've been to I've felt absolutely ridiculous without a date. Like the 7th grader on the side of the gym at an after-school dance, I've found myself observing as opposed to participating, feeling very foolish while the rest of the couples enjoys the wedding AND the company of their date. Even at age 26, feeling like you're being picked last for the kickball team still feels like crap.

So I'm done. I'm breaking the rules. Despite the bride saying that there would be a ton of other people there without dates, I'm going to err on the side of caution and bring myself not just an "And Guest", but a DDP: Designated Dance Partner. Better brush up on your waltzing & shagging skills, boys, because I may just put you to the test one day soon.

Comments

[êddiê]

speaking for the boys, you just need to pich the wedding invite as 'cake and booze'. that'll get them. i think as long as you say, 'hey, i just need a ddp. don't think this means i want a ring.' you'll be ok.

on the wedding thing... i always says that a wedding is the only mandatory play you'll have to put on. you need to get the costumes, script and stage ready. you try to have it go off without a hitch and you even 'rehearse' it. despite the fact that this play only goes for one night, you still have to entertain all these people for at least an hour.

[Stanley]

I've seen your photos of the recent wedding and I'm not sure I've seen you left out of too much.
In fact I wonder if a date that might not know your other friends so well, wouldn't cramp your style?

[Paris]

Aubrey I saw your picture with the cast on and you still look hot!!! Hope your feeling better soon. I have to agree with you, it is better bringing a date cause then you do always have someone to dance with and that is always the best part of the night, dancing with someone when your drunk!

[J]

I've got an even better wedding guest stress element for you... Back Story: Almost all of my girl friends are now hitched or engaged. These are all the products of relationships shorter than mine (5 years with my boyfriend in November).. When I don't make him attend a wedding, where I know that he won't know a soul and I'll spend more time fawning over my friends and their lovely dresses and wedding jitters, (and secretly ecstatic that I'm not in their position) I'm chastized by my friends for not "making" him go because, as my boyfriend, he is required to (in their eyes, not mine obviously). Fortunately, my boyfriend and I agree 100% on this...