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January 15, 2004



I met a girl at a bar and completely hit it off...crazy things in common, she was incredibly cute, etc. We went out a few nights later and there was absolutely nothing left to talk about. Complete awkwardness. We left the bar, and while I was trying to figure out how to nicely call it quits (it was still really early, like 8:30 or something), she suggested going into this other bar, which I'd never been to.

As it turns out, it was not only a gay/lesbian bar - which I have no issue with - but for whatever reason, it was like "Make-Out Night" or something. We sat in a booth, surrounded by men making out with men, women making out with women, and the two of us not even talking to each other. Finally I laughed, paid the bar tab and literally RAN home.


Can't say that I can or want to top the G/L Make-Out Night date...

As a Not-So Smug Married, I look back with fond bewilderment at the two different times I was setup without my knowledge. A friend said to me, 'Hey, everybody's going over to so-and-so's house tonight, why don't you come?' I went only to find that 'everybody' is defined as my friend, his current girlfriend and her completely-unknown-to-me friend that has a crush on me. No warning signs to speak of, no head's up from my 'friend'. It was a "Just add Rob" instant date receipe. Akward and uncomfortable cut-short evening to say the least.
Now, if you were reading carefully you'll see that I mentioned at the beginning the 'two different times' this happened. Yep, about 3 months later, different friend, different place, same ridiculous setup.


Comeon, who DOESN'T like hotrod magazines?

I, personally, love them.



When I was still living in my parents house, a guy had picked me up to go out. He met my dad and we talked a little bit. I should have known he was a wuss, on the way out to his car he said your dad's pretty scary. I thought he was joking.

He was in such a rush to get me back home (being afraid of my dad and all) we saw half of a movie he didn't even ask if I wanted to see and we had Taco Bell. 49 cent Taco Bell! He ran me back home before 9 0'clock and called it a night. Then he had the nerve to try and ask me out again. Umm, how 'bout not.


The whole concept of 'dating' is pretty odd if you ask me. What's the difference between that, and just hanging out with someone? Far as I can tell, it mostly comes down to who pays. There's plenty of people out there that have date-worthy potential, but that aren't relationship material, and you can't really know the difference without getting to know them. Someone may make a good friend, but now it's all screwed up because you went on a 'date', so something like returning phone calls becomes a chore or something you avoid. In my opinion, relationships normally just happen and aren't something you can will into being more than just a friendship. I prefer to just treat everyone with the same respect that I would were I on a date.

Now, of course I can to share a bad date story. How about the girl who stayed at my house because she was too drunk to drive home, that snored so loud I couldn't sleep at all, even being in a completely different room. When she woke up the next morning, instead of saying 'thanks for letting me stay here', she made a complete mess in my kitchen making herself breakfast (which she didn't clean up), and proceeded to hang out for the entire afternoon, watching reruns of the Newlyweds show on MTV and yelling at the stupidity of Jessica Simpson. At some point, she even took a nap! Thank god she had to go to work at some point, because I was starting to think she had moved in...


I can still top the bad date stories....

In college I went out on a double with my friend Lorie, her boyfriend, and his friend from out of town named Tony. He said a grand total of seven syllables to me all night....

'you ever watch that tv show cops?'

yep, a paragon of intellegence this man was. I found out later that Lorie's boyfriend had snuck into my room at one point and snagged a photograph of me and mailed it to Tony, 'cause Tony had been so impressed with me that night. (With what? the speed in which I obtained self-induced indigestion from INHALING my steak so that I could get out of the restaurant???)

I can't even remember the lame, stupid lie I made up to get out of that dinner and avoid the next six hours Lorie and her boyfriend had planned. To top it off, two weeks later I was at a restaurant with some girls that lived on my dorm hall, and guess who happened to show up. Yep, Tony. Astoundingly, I got a completely different set of syllables from him that night....

'do you like blue cheese dressing?'

A keeper this one? I think not!


Although being married has its own rich trove of ickies, I do prefer it to dating.

And actually, I think dating is preferable to just hanging out. The opportunity to review his performance of "How He Treats Servers" is priceless in deciding whether to stick around to see "How He Will Treat You"

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