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November 17, 2006

Comments

perfectlyGoodInk

I can reassure you that it IS possible. And although you are right in that there are no guarantees that you will find it and, as I can attest, no guarantees that it will last forever even if you do, it's still worth it. The chance alone is enough to be worth the pain and effort of trying.

greebs

Sounds pretty typical - I went through the exact same thing and it took me some years and a very persistent woman to make me realize the perfect mate had been standing in front of me (sometimes literally) for years and years.

ali

my question to the last comment is - how long must a girl (woman) be persistent? i realize that it's different for everyone, but when is it time to call a spade a spade and give up? how do you know that you should fight for what you want - that it's worth it - or realize that you're just wasting your time on someone who is never going to wake up, who is never going to see that the right person is right in front of them? why is this all so hard and complicated. can't we just say "i like you - you like me. helloooo? why aren't we dating?" ugh.

perfectlyGoodInk

ali: when is it time to call a spade a spade and give up?

Personally, I'd give up after two or three tries. I can't imagine being too persistent, because how can you really know they're "The One" if you aren't even dating? I'd just move on, figuring they know you're interested and will get back to you if they ever wake up (and perhaps staying in touch so they'll have openings).

But then again, I'm a guy.

ali: can't we just say "i like you - you like me. helloooo? why aren't we dating?"

Well, ya can, and I'm sure that approach will actually work if the person does like you. Of course, getting dates is not really the hard part, as we all know. It's finding the right person to date, and then even after that, you still have to both do all the work you need to do in any relationship to make it succeed.

Gah, I offer unsolicited advice too much. Sorry!

greebs

A very good question...I don't know the answer, of course. I do know that I had a long standing thing for a friend of mine in and just after college, and she just didn't ever seem to "get it" -- and it took me a few years to realize that it was not that she didn't get it, it was that she DID get it, and she wasn't into it. And the way she dealt with it - by essentially never dealing with it- showed me a side of her that made me far less into her.

And Ali, I don't know you but I've wandered over to your blog from links here (I don't know Aubrey either but there you go) -- I suspect that neither of you have much to worry about, except the fact that it hasn't happened yet. Two young, intelligent women who are far, far on the correct side of the charts in terms of looks and smarts, and listen to good music, will get their guy soon enough. (And does it threaten my heterosexuality to say that your hair rocks? I'd love my wife to color her hair like that but haven't quite figured out a way to delicately suggest it to her.)

And yes, I heard similar things to me (in terms of "just wait, it will work out") and I didn't realize my wife was the one until I was 36. And yet, it was the right time and it never was - for me - anytime before that.

Above all, remember this: Us guys are morons. MORONS. It took my wife basically wearing a see-through shirt to a party and cornering me for an hour or so before I thought, "hmmm...this seems different."


aynne

ali: In my experience, it is not worth waiting around for a man to come to his senses. He either digs you right away or he doesn't.

When a guy falls for you - you will know it. You won't have to persuade him and he will treat you well like you deserve to be treated and you won't have to wonder if he likes you or not.

aubrey:
"The heart is a muscle, after all, and like in exercising ANY muscle, the way you build up strength is by actually creating little tears in the muscle, and the growth occurs by the healing of these tears."

- that is really wonderful....and I hope it is true...

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